Same Coin, Two Faces🪙

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I’m slowly beginning to choke on how much I want to say to you via this blog. Its been so long and I not only miss doing this but I kind of feel sick about it at this point🤢. Trying to balance my career with all the other things I want to do hasn’t been the easiest thing to do.

But for the first time, here I am seated at my reading table at 5:46am writing this piece with my exams just a few days away🤭 because I just remembered how therapeutic doing this is for me, this has forced me to do this for you and even myself at the end of the day🤷‍♀️.

I see so many videos out there about “how to do this” “how to do that” “how to choose right” “how to know when it’s right” and a lot more. I used to watch a lot of these videos in the past and I still do sometimes although not like before. After a couple of years of trial and error, I have come to realise that there is really is no written manual when it comes to these things. It is not a one size fits all kinda thing.

People act like gods in certain areas just because they have succeeded in those things😁, in asmuch as I a thousand times cannot disregard their experiences, sometimes, they really did nothing special, nothing out of the box, nothing you haven’t done a thousand times over in many different ways😌. As it is important to use people’s experiences as a guide to your path, it is also very important to remember that everyone threads on a path unique to them👣.

Two persons can say the same prayer🙏 in the same measure and have the same amount of faith but just one of them will get it in the end, does this now mean that the other person didn’t know what to do or didn’t do it well? That may not be the case. An unanswered prayer may be God’s way of ensuring that you remain on the path He has specially curated for you📌 and His answered prayer to the other person is also His way of ensuring that the other person remains on the path He has curated for him or her.

Many of us prayed to God earnestly and did all we could to “get it right the first time” in many areas of our lives; many of us with our then relatively equal levels of ignorance, childishness and weaknesses. But in the end, some of us got what we asked for🤩 while some others did not☻️. Some work very hard and pray very hard to succeed in their careers, yet there is little or nothing to show for it. Others do the exact same thing and flourish🌿. It is not always black or white, we often overlook the grey areas🕸. There is a place for prayers and hardwork but there also a place for mercy and the will of God.

Comaprison will take you no where and if anywhere at all, backwards without a stutter😩😂. If you look closely at the lives of those with whom you compare yourself, there are certain areas they are struggling with that you do or get with ease, do you think they do not desire such ease in those areas as well🤔? It’s really just same coin with two faces, same situation, just rearranged🙃.

This is not to disregard the place for mentorship, even as you read, I am in search of a mentor🤭. This is just to say that you shouldn’t expect your life to mirror anybody’s. Use their experiences as a guide to avoid certain mistakes🙅‍♀️ and reach your goal faster💯 but ensure that in the midst of it all, you’re not so carried away by their result that you end up missing yours. Let God lead you. Selah.

Thank you for coming around❤️, don’t forget to leave your comments behind😌. Until next time, my people🍻.

Slowly, Rebuild🧱

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With all the uncertainties, battles and struggles life throws at us, it would be a fallacy to claim that you haven’t lost yourself at least once😵‍💫.

It’s a beautiful thing to know that we all are simultaneously at different phases of life⛓️- the times in your life when you feel lost and unseen, others feel like their very best selves🥰 and vice versa. While you’re struggling to rebuild yourself, another is smashing their goals- that’s just how life is🤷‍♀️.

You all should know by now that I rarely share any piece without making reference to myself🙃, my personal experience, I like to keep it real💯. I’ve had life changing experiences that literally left me with nothing🗑; experiences that have made me time and again question my worth, value and essence of living really🤦‍♂️.

Panic attacks felt like a Whiteman thing to me until I had mine, severally☻️. Those were times I thought would never end, I’d cry so much because of how frustrated I was from feeling that I wasn’t making any progress😬, from knowing what my problem was but finding absolutely no solution to it😵. The best word I have to describe that experience is “torture”.

After struggling for months to regain myself, I’m glad to write that being able to publish this post today is a sign of the tremendous progress I have made💃. Imagine suddenly losing interest in everything that brought you joy and pleasure, seeing yourself doing things you never thought you would, all because of an experience that literally ridded you of everything you knew to be true and real, waking up one day to the realization that you no longer know who you are👤.

I’m sure these are words some of you have hoped to hear or read somewhere, someday; words that would remind you that there are people who understand what we have going on❤️.

I just took a deep breath, lol😂, a sigh of relief because I’m finally approaching the part where I get to tell you that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, however cliché that may sound🤪.

We all want to hurry ourselves out of every valley we find ourselves in, when a lot of times there’s so much to learn right in that low😌. It’s quite disheartening to feel like you’re trying to catch your breath😫 at every moment because of how overwhelmed you are, but I can tell you from experience that befriending the storm🌪 is the best thing you can do for yourself. It took a while to accept this but I have no regrets because the depth of growth that has emanated from this singular repeated act is almost extraordinary🤭. I had to force myself to sit in the midst of the chaos until I realised how much I needed to be there👩, and when I did, every trace of haste became history to me.

What I’m trying to say in essence is that you need not rush out of every discomfort or find a temporary fix to every challenge you encounter🙃, the solution is right in the midst of the chaos, all you need to do is tarry 📌. Allow yourself to feel and let the tears lose, do that as often as you need to because that is the beginning of your healing and learning journey😁. Healing takes time, rebuilding takes time but the sacrifice cannot be compared to the result✔️.

On a final note, when you get to the point where you begin to feel like yourself again🥰, when you are no longer sitted but standing in the valley🤗, that’s not the time to start running🙅‍♀️, rather, rebuild slowly starting with baby steps. Rebuild your values, worth, passions, interests and focus, rebuild your person! Trust me, when you begin to run again you won’t even realise it until you have covered many miles😘.

Thank you for reading🤗, please leave your comments behind so we can gist in the comment section, also remember to share if you enjoyed reading this❤️.

Where have I been?😬

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As I write, I have so many unfinished articles saved in my draft, yes, that’s how difficult it has been for me to put pen on paper. I have a lot to write and say, infact I write and say a lot in my written and audio journals respectively, but finding a “good” content to put here has been a very difficult task for me.

I write from my very being, I love it when I can be as relatable as possible, if it were all fiction, trust me, you’d be getting a daily dose of Anidom, but nah, I like to keep it real.

This year has been a rollercoaster, I have never been this all over the place with my emotions in my life, I have lost count of the number of mental break downs I have had in the past couple of months and how often I have felt the need to disappear. It’s quite confusing because I can hardly place my finger on what exactly the problem is.

The year started on a bad note for me because four days into the year, I found out something that broke me to pieces, there I was trying to get it together just for a lot more to slip through my fingers. It’s the fifth month of the year and in all honesty, I can’t even remember most of my plans for this year, pretty much existing and going with the flow rather than living.

Today I can share because I am quite stable now, also because in this voyage so far, I can say that I have learnt and I’m still learning so much about myself and life in general, and this knowledge has kept me going. One major thing I have learnt is “do nothing”.

For someone who likes to control things as much as possible, life has shown me “shege” in the process, there is indeed very little I can control. I have learnt to let go of control and just let things uncover themselves. I’ve also learnt that the only thing I can really control is myself; my mind and my deeds, and I’ve tried daily to focus on that.

Today I write without emojis because these emojis won’t express what’s going on within me, I write today, not as that far-fetched writer who tells you how you can mange your life, but as a person who is trying to manage hers.

Finally, I know that I can’t be the only one enduring hard times, so the essence of this post is to encourage you as I do myself, better days are coming and you are handling your life well, give yourself a pat on the back and keep moving because this is only a phase that will pass before you know it. You may not understand the relevance of this post today but I know that you’ll find its purpose with time.

My next post won’t be a sad one though😂 and it’s coming soon after this, there’s so much I want to share with you😊.

Love, anidom❤.

One and Done, Or?😶

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The worse thing that can happen to a person is getting to the finish line of growth and improvement and handing oneself the final trophy🤧.

“I have arrived” is often lived out, not uttered and most people who believe that they have reached their peak of perfection will never pronounce those words but rather show them to you. I lie?🙂

I remember one of my long term goals being to have attained exceptional character at eighteen🤣, I also recall reminding myself at fifteen or sixteen that I had 2-3years left on my perfection journey🤦‍♀️. But eighteen came quickly, it honestly felt like 2 days after my recall because even if I wasn’t where I used to be, I was still metres short of perfection🙃. I read and was ready to read more of the self-help books that are scattered around, hoping that my knowledge would be sufficient to tame my flaws🤣. Shortly after, I had to come to terms with the fact that self-improvement cannot be outgrown.

Self-improvement is an endless journey, not a one and done affair. For as long as man breathes, there’s always room for improvement😌, be it in character, new habits, new skills, creativity, etcetera.
When you meet new people and climb into new phases of life, a better version of yourself is frequently required to keep up the pace. The sequelae of an adamant attitude toward doing better is a life full of avoidable regrets🙃.

Self-improvement is not a very rosy journey, however, its dividends are worth more than gold🏆. As we may have heard, “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” (chinese proverb), and that of self-improvement isn’t any different🚶‍♂️.

The first step is making a conscious decision to do better, to be better💪. As the saying goes, “a problem properly stated is half solved” (John Dewey).

The next thing to do is to meditate and spend time doing an “inreach”(self-inventory)✍to decide on what areas you’d like to improve on😌. Some areas include developing new habits, new skills, anger management, finance, business, etcetera.

Thirdly, decide on which one or ones you’d like to begin with🤔. It is important that I mention at this point that taking out time to point out areas you’d like to improve on doesn’t mean you have to work on all of them at once. It’s quite tempting because you may feel as though “na me bad pass”😶 but you have to resist that temptation because you’re going to end up frustrated with little or no progess if you take that course of action😖.

Next is to research🔍 on ways you can improve in your chosen area(s). Google is a great search engine to get resources such as books and articles📜, speak to people who have gone ahead of you🚣 for guidance; not doing so and trying to do it all on your own will only make you spend a year on something that you can actually achieve in three months with many failed attempts and frustration in-between😪.

Then you begin!💃 A step at a time, a day at a time. Don’t be hard on yourself and create room for mistakes, as long as you’re failing forward. Some days, you’ll be discouraged and angry with yourself, on other days, you’ll need encouragement. You may even end up losing people who may not be able to stick around for you to do better😔 but life happens you know. You have to keep forging ahead regardless😬.

Throughout your journey, try to be mindful of how you feel and attend to your emotions📌. If you need a booster from a friend or mentor, seek it and whenever you’re tired, remind yourself why you started. Eyes on the price!😉

It is also important that you create a means to measure your progress⏳. This will help you to be consistent and also encourage you on days you don’t feel like it. You can begin with doing something for a week, and on that seventh day, you access yourself then go for the next 7 days again💪. Minutes grow in hours, hours into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years🕔.

It’s also a great idea to reward🎁 yourself along the way, you ought to recognise and appreciate your progess, this will keep you going. An accountability partner cannot be overemphasized, this person could be a friend👭 or mentor👨‍👧. As you progress in your journey, you can add other areas to improve on👌.

Self improvement is fulfilling and indeed gratifying🥰, there’s no joy greater than that you derive from being at places you’ve only ever dreamed of.

Let’s talk in the comment section guys! I missed you🥰.

Invisible War

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Just like the others, it was a perfect morning. The sun🌞 was glowing in all its brilliance, the clouds☁️ tickling one another as they moved from side to side, the wind🌪 was definitely not going to lag behind as it came with all its glory, carrying along with it the sands of the earth which threatened to sore my flesh😫, my compensation at least was that it remembered to get oxygen from the trees😊.

The outward beauty was immeasurable truly😶🤤, however disappointing that it couldn’t reach the crux of my heart or at the very least give it a reason to smile😔, perfection was probably having a bad day😑.

A walk in the park with a companion👭 might have helped, who knows? But even these companions scarcely came by, and the ones that came by only lasted as long as the morning dew🌫, vanishing in the twinkling of an eye😕; loneliness had gotten the better of me.

Never have my fingers felt so heavy writing a piece, for writing in the moment is different from narrating a story🙂. What can one do when they find themselves in such a fix- Pray? Sulk? Weep? Pretend? All of the above?🤷‍♀️ The war waged in the mind truly surpasses any physical combat🤼‍♂️, getting your thoughts in sync with your emotions and owning up to them is one of the greatest battles that could be won by any man🏋‍♀️.

Winning a battle isn’t always by exchanging blows, sometimes battles are won by letting things be, and doing nothing👩. For indeed it is possible to be alone without being lonely👤, and a walk in the park all by yourself may be all you need to make room for the change you crave.

It was time for the sun to give way for the moon to showcase her beauty🌚, and the stars to erupt in their glory, a silent darkness🌌, a sleepy head😴.

Yours truly,
Anidom❤.

Walking on Eggshells 🥚🥚(II)

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“I don’t like what you did” or “I am not happy that you did this” were statements I struggled to utter in most of my relationships😑- funnily enough, there were a few relationships I could manage to express how I really felt about things I didn’t like a few times, I think amongst many other reasons, this is a good reason why some of those relationships still stand🤷‍♀️.

“I’d just let it slide”, this was me thinking I was being a Christian, not realising that I was actually bottling up offences simply because I didn’t want to give them any reason to dislike me🙄.

I gave and gave till I lost myself, at some point I didn’t understand why I was doing what I was doing🤦‍♀️- going through so much stress, sacrificing my NEEDS for their WANTS🤨, bleeding myself for them to be comfortable, losing myself in search of their love. I also remember frequently asking some of my friends what they liked and disliked about me- I didn’t realise how often I did that until one of them told me🤷‍♀️, but I ultimately stopped it because the last time I asked someone, her response was more like an attack on my personality🤨, it was too much power and freedom I was giving to people to negatively criticize me. At that point, I knew I was doing myself no good🙅‍♀️. The past two to three years of my life have been characteristic of the above🙃.

It took me a while to realise what was going on, it took another while to tell myself the truth🤥, and I’m still in the process of finding myself and being true to myself as I write🤭. Initiating this process has caused mega changes in how I relate with people and the people I relate with😏.

It got really hard, especially those moments I thought I was making a mistake choosing myself and not them. Phew!🥲 But as I gave it time, I realised more and more why I have to be able to love myself before I can give love to another🥰.

This is my story, one of my stories actually😂, and it’s not even the full story. You know, I have to be discrete😏. I’m still learning and growing, I still feel lost sometimes, but knowing that I am now a way better version of myself than I have been in the past two to three years keeps my hopes high🤩. At the end of it all, I am totally grateful to God🙏🧎‍♀️, because through all this, He has been that Friend that sticks closer than a brother👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏾.

If you find yourself struggling with a similar situation, you have to realise that you are firstly worthy of your own love before anyone else❤. Realising this truth may drive you to make healthy decisions💯.

Love, Anidom😘.

I’d love to see your comments and thoughts below, let’s have a chitchat😃.

Walking on Eggshells🥚🥚(I)

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I have discovered from personal experience that doing all you can in order not to get anyone offended, also known as walking on eggshells, doesn’t prevent you from offending people, matter of fact, you actually annoy people a lot even without realising😂.

You unconsciously begin to think that you always do the right thing💯 that everyone wants, you become adamant to correction, and closed-minded to any perspective other than yours🥶. This is largely because you believe you’re doing all you can to please🥺 and live up to the standards of everyone around you- how exhausting!😪.

I’m personally not a people person, however, I can be goofy with the people I’m most comfortable with, but I won’t even exhaust the fingers on one of my hands if I were to number them😬😂. I don’t necessarily like being around people that aren’t my friends🥱 and in most public places, my phone and I spend time bonding🤣🤣.

In 2019, there was this lady in my class, jovial🤩, bright, you know, all that good stuff🤪. I admired how she used to relate with people. From my point of view, it was a beautiful life😍- having something to talk about with almost everybody and everyone seeming to like you, it really caught my fancy🥰.

I started trying to be like her- talking to people more often, racking my brain for possible conversation topics🤯, and literally laughing with everyone. This was nice at first, I thought “everyone will like now😏”, it continued for a while until I realised how unhappy I was😔, and how doing all that was ripping me of my amazing personality😁.

I eventually stopped doing that🥰 and thought that was the end of my people-pleasing habit until 2020 when I realised that for someone who comes off as and talks to people about having a healthy self-image and esteem👸, I was far gone in my self-deprecation journey🙆.

…to be continued.

Follow my blog for the full gist.

A Soulmate Or Yours?🤔

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“A person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament” is how Merriam-Webster Dictionary decides to put the definition of Soulmate. Well, good for them🤷‍♀️.

I watched Four to Dinner👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏾👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏾 few weeks ago and it just reminded me how often people talk about soulmates, and how I was to a large extent still undecisive of my stance on the whole subject matter🤥.

I took a closer look on the already existing ideas in my brain and I realised how vague there were😬. Being someone who likes to take a stance on issues👀, I didn’t like how that made me feel, so I decided to look and think deeper about it. After much gbas gbos🤪, I came to a conclusion😉.

There are over seven billion people in the world and it’s quite unsettling to believe that there’s only one person that is “perfect” for you, only one person right for you🙄. Mbanu! I no gree🙅‍♂️.

I am a Christian, and I know a few persons in the Bible who were married to more than one woman👩‍🦰- Solomon, Jacob, etcetera. Inasmuch as I do not support polygamy, I believe that it is indeed a reflection of the fact that you are compatible with a good number of people or even many, just like in the case of brother Solomon- my guy wasn’t dulling sha…!🙃😂. However, I believe compatibility varies- more with some and less with others👇.

This has brought me to the conclusion that there are many people one can be comfortably married to, as there are people who are better for us than others; those with whom we are at our best🏋- may be this is what people refer to as your soulmate🤔.

The fact that the definition of Soulmate doesn’t give room for the possibility of being happy and compatible with other people besides “that one person”, makes the Soulmate Concept a full blown fantasy to me😬.

If you’re a Christian like me, you may also believe in trusting God to direct you to the best person for you👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏾, not necessarily the only person for you.

Are you looking for A Soulmate Or Yours?🤔

I have shared my opinion with you, what’s yours? Share in the comment section below. Gracias❤.

I Feel It Too🙃

It’s Okay to Not be Okay🙂

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She finally had the guts to make the decision that would change both their lives forever🤯. It was the most difficult thing she had had to do in a long time💔. The tears😭 rolling down her cheeks would have filled a bucket if measuring the volume was her priority😞. But no❌, the grief was beyond her control and the hollow that decision left behind was nothing to write home about😫. And with every step👣 she took that Monday morning, Mae wished for the ground to cover up her shame or for the ocean🌊 to sweep it away because everyone knew what had happened; there was no hiding it😪.

A lot of things happen to us, many things we would rather keep to ourselves🙅, for fear of judgement😼, condemnation😾, or perhaps because we don’t even have the words to express them😶 or the right persons to tell👬. The unfortunate truth is that we can’t hide them all, and even the ones we successfully hide may become sun-kissed☀️ someday and our probably “ideal” status, dethroned🙊, and dirty linens out in the open😞.

Just like Mae, I’ve also had experiences that left my self-esteem shattered🤧 and made me question who I am😬. Those nights I would scream into my pillow and drench it with my river of tears😭, living like a shadow of myself💀. I never knew getting off my bed daily would become the most difficult task I had to perform🤦‍♂️, with the thought of the night coming quickly constantly stuck in my mind on those days I managed to get up💁‍♀️, “at least I’ll be safe from the shame for a couple of hours ” I always thought.

It was a slow, scrap that, a very slow process that eventually got me to the point where I became mentally stable😊. It took words of advice from people close by👭 and those I’ve never met🙃, it took prayers🙏 and contentment with being okay not being okay for a while🙂, it took a lot that I probably can no longer recall at the moment.

I just want to let you know that whatever unpleasant thing it is that you’re going through at the moment is temporary😌. You may have had experiences that left you broken💔 just like me, and you may still be having a hard time recovering from them and that’s okay💯.

It may take quite sometime but if you’d remember that it’s okay to not be okay for a sometime😌, believe you can and will feel better🥰, feed your soul with beautiful things that will uplift you and give you hope😃, be intentional about being positive even if it’s so hard🥺, and finally but definitely not the least, pick out the lessons that these experiences taught you✍, cause you may agree with me that there’s really no point suffering now if you’ll have to suffer again in the nearest future for doing things the same way🤷‍♀️ (for those things within your control). It’s always easier said than done, but I think a step or half a day would go a long way💯. Very soon, you’ll begin to look forward to every new day again because your life as it is will be a source of joy and fulfillment to you🥳.

Thank you for reading❤.

Please leave your comments and/or questions behind😘.