Tag Archives: growth

Slowly, Rebuild🧱

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With all the uncertainties, battles and struggles life throws at us, it would be a fallacy to claim that you haven’t lost yourself at least once😵‍💫.

It’s a beautiful thing to know that we all are simultaneously at different phases of life⛓️- the times in your life when you feel lost and unseen, others feel like their very best selves🥰 and vice versa. While you’re struggling to rebuild yourself, another is smashing their goals- that’s just how life is🤷‍♀️.

You all should know by now that I rarely share any piece without making reference to myself🙃, my personal experience, I like to keep it real💯. I’ve had life changing experiences that literally left me with nothing🗑; experiences that have made me time and again question my worth, value and essence of living really🤦‍♂️.

Panic attacks felt like a Whiteman thing to me until I had mine, severally☻️. Those were times I thought would never end, I’d cry so much because of how frustrated I was from feeling that I wasn’t making any progress😬, from knowing what my problem was but finding absolutely no solution to it😵. The best word I have to describe that experience is “torture”.

After struggling for months to regain myself, I’m glad to write that being able to publish this post today is a sign of the tremendous progress I have made💃. Imagine suddenly losing interest in everything that brought you joy and pleasure, seeing yourself doing things you never thought you would, all because of an experience that literally ridded you of everything you knew to be true and real, waking up one day to the realization that you no longer know who you are👤.

I’m sure these are words some of you have hoped to hear or read somewhere, someday; words that would remind you that there are people who understand what we have going on❤️.

I just took a deep breath, lol😂, a sigh of relief because I’m finally approaching the part where I get to tell you that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, however cliché that may sound🤪.

We all want to hurry ourselves out of every valley we find ourselves in, when a lot of times there’s so much to learn right in that low😌. It’s quite disheartening to feel like you’re trying to catch your breath😫 at every moment because of how overwhelmed you are, but I can tell you from experience that befriending the storm🌪 is the best thing you can do for yourself. It took a while to accept this but I have no regrets because the depth of growth that has emanated from this singular repeated act is almost extraordinary🤭. I had to force myself to sit in the midst of the chaos until I realised how much I needed to be there👩, and when I did, every trace of haste became history to me.

What I’m trying to say in essence is that you need not rush out of every discomfort or find a temporary fix to every challenge you encounter🙃, the solution is right in the midst of the chaos, all you need to do is tarry 📌. Allow yourself to feel and let the tears lose, do that as often as you need to because that is the beginning of your healing and learning journey😁. Healing takes time, rebuilding takes time but the sacrifice cannot be compared to the result✔️.

On a final note, when you get to the point where you begin to feel like yourself again🥰, when you are no longer sitted but standing in the valley🤗, that’s not the time to start running🙅‍♀️, rather, rebuild slowly starting with baby steps. Rebuild your values, worth, passions, interests and focus, rebuild your person! Trust me, when you begin to run again you won’t even realise it until you have covered many miles😘.

Thank you for reading🤗, please leave your comments behind so we can gist in the comment section, also remember to share if you enjoyed reading this❤️.

One and Done, Or?😶

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The worse thing that can happen to a person is getting to the finish line of growth and improvement and handing oneself the final trophy🤧.

“I have arrived” is often lived out, not uttered and most people who believe that they have reached their peak of perfection will never pronounce those words but rather show them to you. I lie?🙂

I remember one of my long term goals being to have attained exceptional character at eighteen🤣, I also recall reminding myself at fifteen or sixteen that I had 2-3years left on my perfection journey🤦‍♀️. But eighteen came quickly, it honestly felt like 2 days after my recall because even if I wasn’t where I used to be, I was still metres short of perfection🙃. I read and was ready to read more of the self-help books that are scattered around, hoping that my knowledge would be sufficient to tame my flaws🤣. Shortly after, I had to come to terms with the fact that self-improvement cannot be outgrown.

Self-improvement is an endless journey, not a one and done affair. For as long as man breathes, there’s always room for improvement😌, be it in character, new habits, new skills, creativity, etcetera.
When you meet new people and climb into new phases of life, a better version of yourself is frequently required to keep up the pace. The sequelae of an adamant attitude toward doing better is a life full of avoidable regrets🙃.

Self-improvement is not a very rosy journey, however, its dividends are worth more than gold🏆. As we may have heard, “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” (chinese proverb), and that of self-improvement isn’t any different🚶‍♂️.

The first step is making a conscious decision to do better, to be better💪. As the saying goes, “a problem properly stated is half solved” (John Dewey).

The next thing to do is to meditate and spend time doing an “inreach”(self-inventory)✍to decide on what areas you’d like to improve on😌. Some areas include developing new habits, new skills, anger management, finance, business, etcetera.

Thirdly, decide on which one or ones you’d like to begin with🤔. It is important that I mention at this point that taking out time to point out areas you’d like to improve on doesn’t mean you have to work on all of them at once. It’s quite tempting because you may feel as though “na me bad pass”😶 but you have to resist that temptation because you’re going to end up frustrated with little or no progess if you take that course of action😖.

Next is to research🔍 on ways you can improve in your chosen area(s). Google is a great search engine to get resources such as books and articles📜, speak to people who have gone ahead of you🚣 for guidance; not doing so and trying to do it all on your own will only make you spend a year on something that you can actually achieve in three months with many failed attempts and frustration in-between😪.

Then you begin!💃 A step at a time, a day at a time. Don’t be hard on yourself and create room for mistakes, as long as you’re failing forward. Some days, you’ll be discouraged and angry with yourself, on other days, you’ll need encouragement. You may even end up losing people who may not be able to stick around for you to do better😔 but life happens you know. You have to keep forging ahead regardless😬.

Throughout your journey, try to be mindful of how you feel and attend to your emotions📌. If you need a booster from a friend or mentor, seek it and whenever you’re tired, remind yourself why you started. Eyes on the price!😉

It is also important that you create a means to measure your progress⏳. This will help you to be consistent and also encourage you on days you don’t feel like it. You can begin with doing something for a week, and on that seventh day, you access yourself then go for the next 7 days again💪. Minutes grow in hours, hours into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years🕔.

It’s also a great idea to reward🎁 yourself along the way, you ought to recognise and appreciate your progess, this will keep you going. An accountability partner cannot be overemphasized, this person could be a friend👭 or mentor👨‍👧. As you progress in your journey, you can add other areas to improve on👌.

Self improvement is fulfilling and indeed gratifying🥰, there’s no joy greater than that you derive from being at places you’ve only ever dreamed of.

Let’s talk in the comment section guys! I missed you🥰.

It’s Okay to Not be Okay🙂

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She finally had the guts to make the decision that would change both their lives forever🤯. It was the most difficult thing she had had to do in a long time💔. The tears😭 rolling down her cheeks would have filled a bucket if measuring the volume was her priority😞. But no❌, the grief was beyond her control and the hollow that decision left behind was nothing to write home about😫. And with every step👣 she took that Monday morning, Mae wished for the ground to cover up her shame or for the ocean🌊 to sweep it away because everyone knew what had happened; there was no hiding it😪.

A lot of things happen to us, many things we would rather keep to ourselves🙅, for fear of judgement😼, condemnation😾, or perhaps because we don’t even have the words to express them😶 or the right persons to tell👬. The unfortunate truth is that we can’t hide them all, and even the ones we successfully hide may become sun-kissed☀️ someday and our probably “ideal” status, dethroned🙊, and dirty linens out in the open😞.

Just like Mae, I’ve also had experiences that left my self-esteem shattered🤧 and made me question who I am😬. Those nights I would scream into my pillow and drench it with my river of tears😭, living like a shadow of myself💀. I never knew getting off my bed daily would become the most difficult task I had to perform🤦‍♂️, with the thought of the night coming quickly constantly stuck in my mind on those days I managed to get up💁‍♀️, “at least I’ll be safe from the shame for a couple of hours ” I always thought.

It was a slow, scrap that, a very slow process that eventually got me to the point where I became mentally stable😊. It took words of advice from people close by👭 and those I’ve never met🙃, it took prayers🙏 and contentment with being okay not being okay for a while🙂, it took a lot that I probably can no longer recall at the moment.

I just want to let you know that whatever unpleasant thing it is that you’re going through at the moment is temporary😌. You may have had experiences that left you broken💔 just like me, and you may still be having a hard time recovering from them and that’s okay💯.

It may take quite sometime but if you’d remember that it’s okay to not be okay for a sometime😌, believe you can and will feel better🥰, feed your soul with beautiful things that will uplift you and give you hope😃, be intentional about being positive even if it’s so hard🥺, and finally but definitely not the least, pick out the lessons that these experiences taught you✍, cause you may agree with me that there’s really no point suffering now if you’ll have to suffer again in the nearest future for doing things the same way🤷‍♀️ (for those things within your control). It’s always easier said than done, but I think a step or half a day would go a long way💯. Very soon, you’ll begin to look forward to every new day again because your life as it is will be a source of joy and fulfillment to you🥳.

Thank you for reading❤.

Please leave your comments and/or questions behind😘.

No Regrets

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I usually sit back in my room or may be in the kitchen, in class and even especially in the bathroom to think through and about a whole lot of things. Things of the future and those of the past.

The ones of the past usually hit certain nerves especially those cutaneous ones that carry pain fibres cause as I’ve heard, our brains tend to remember the bad memories than the good ones.

I really used to do the blame game a lot. I used to blame myself for the things that went “wrong” in my life and even those of others sometimes.

I thought about the ‘bad’ things for so long, in anger and guilt most times that it made me realize certain things. I asked myself some questions like “Were you happy when you did this?” “Was that what you really wanted to do?” “Did you feel compelled to do it?” and ultimately, “If you’re faced with this situation again, will you do the same thing?”

The answers I gave myself were answers that pointed to the fact that I had no regrets. Many of the things I’ve done; both “good” and “bad”, are things I’m likely going to repeat if I’m faced with those situations again, so what’s the point regretting?

I believe that life is a process and everything that happens does not happen by chance. There’s something to learn or unlearn when we access or ponder on the things that happen to us and this is how we grow.

So yes, I live my life without regrets and I urge you all to do the same. Please share your views with me by commenting below and share with family and friends. I look forward to knowing what you think about this.