Category Archives: My World

Invisible War

Just like the others, it was a perfect morning. The sun🌞 was glowing in all its brilliance, the clouds☁️ tickling one another as they moved from side to side, the wind🌪 was definitely not going to lag behind as it came with all its glory, carrying along with it the sands of the earth which threatened to sore my flesh😫, my compensation at least was that it remembered to get oxygen from the trees😊.

The outward beauty was immeasurable truly😶🤤, however disappointing that it couldn’t reach the crux of my heart or at the very least give it a reason to smile😔, perfection was probably having a bad day😑.

A walk in the park with a companion👭 might have helped, who knows? But even these companions scarcely came by, and the ones that came by only lasted as long as the morning dew🌫, vanishing in the twinkling of an eye😕; loneliness had gotten the better of me.

Never have my fingers felt so heavy writing a piece, for writing in the moment is different from narrating a story🙂. What can one do when they find themselves in such a fix- Pray? Sulk? Weep? Pretend? All of the above?🤷‍♀️ The war waged in the mind truly surpasses any physical combat🤼‍♂️, getting your thoughts in sync with your emotions and owning up to them is one of the greatest battles that could be won by any man🏋‍♀️.

Winning a battle isn’t always by exchanging blows, sometimes battles are won by letting things be, and doing nothing👩. For indeed it is possible to be alone without being lonely👤, and a walk in the park all by yourself may be all you need to make room for the change you crave.

It was time for the sun to give way for the moon to showcase her beauty🌚, and the stars to erupt in their glory, a silent darkness🌌, a sleepy head😴.

Yours truly,
Anidom❤.

Walking on Eggshells 🥚🥚(II)

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“I don’t like what you did” or “I am not happy that you did this” were statements I struggled to utter in most of my relationships😑- funnily enough, there were a few relationships I could manage to express how I really felt about things I didn’t like a few times, I think amongst many other reasons, this is a good reason why some of those relationships still stand🤷‍♀️.

“I’d just let it slide”, this was me thinking I was being a Christian, not realising that I was actually bottling up offences simply because I didn’t want to give them any reason to dislike me🙄.

I gave and gave till I lost myself, at some point I didn’t understand why I was doing what I was doing🤦‍♀️- going through so much stress, sacrificing my NEEDS for their WANTS🤨, bleeding myself for them to be comfortable, losing myself in search of their love. I also remember frequently asking some of my friends what they liked and disliked about me- I didn’t realise how often I did that until one of them told me🤷‍♀️, but I ultimately stopped it because the last time I asked someone, her response was more like an attack on my personality🤨, it was too much power and freedom I was giving to people to negatively criticize me. At that point, I knew I was doing myself no good🙅‍♀️. The past two to three years of my life have been characteristic of the above🙃.

It took me a while to realise what was going on, it took another while to tell myself the truth🤥, and I’m still in the process of finding myself and being true to myself as I write🤭. Initiating this process has caused mega changes in how I relate with people and the people I relate with😏.

It got really hard, especially those moments I thought I was making a mistake choosing myself and not them. Phew!🥲 But as I gave it time, I realised more and more why I have to be able to love myself before I can give love to another🥰.

This is my story, one of my stories actually😂, and it’s not even the full story. You know, I have to be discrete😏. I’m still learning and growing, I still feel lost sometimes, but knowing that I am now a way better version of myself than I have been in the past two to three years keeps my hopes high🤩. At the end of it all, I am totally grateful to God🙏🧎‍♀️, because through all this, He has been that Friend that sticks closer than a brother👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏾.

If you find yourself struggling with a similar situation, you have to realise that you are firstly worthy of your own love before anyone else❤. Realising this truth may drive you to make healthy decisions💯.

Love, Anidom😘.

I’d love to see your comments and thoughts below, let’s have a chitchat😃.

Walking on Eggshells🥚🥚(I)

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I have discovered from personal experience that doing all you can in order not to get anyone offended, also known as walking on eggshells, doesn’t prevent you from offending people, matter of fact, you actually annoy people a lot even without realising😂.

You unconsciously begin to think that you always do the right thing💯 that everyone wants, you become adamant to correction, and closed-minded to any perspective other than yours🥶. This is largely because you believe you’re doing all you can to please🥺 and live up to the standards of everyone around you- how exhausting!😪.

I’m personally not a people person, however, I can be goofy with the people I’m most comfortable with, but I won’t even exhaust the fingers on one of my hands if I were to number them😬😂. I don’t necessarily like being around people that aren’t my friends🥱 and in most public places, my phone and I spend time bonding🤣🤣.

In 2019, there was this lady in my class, jovial🤩, bright, you know, all that good stuff🤪. I admired how she used to relate with people. From my point of view, it was a beautiful life😍- having something to talk about with almost everybody and everyone seeming to like you, it really caught my fancy🥰.

I started trying to be like her- talking to people more often, racking my brain for possible conversation topics🤯, and literally laughing with everyone. This was nice at first, I thought “everyone will like now😏”, it continued for a while until I realised how unhappy I was😔, and how doing all that was ripping me of my amazing personality😁.

I eventually stopped doing that🥰 and thought that was the end of my people-pleasing habit until 2020 when I realised that for someone who comes off as and talks to people about having a healthy self-image and esteem👸, I was far gone in my self-deprecation journey🙆.

…to be continued.

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A Soulmate Or Yours?🤔

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“A person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament” is how Merriam-Webster Dictionary decides to put the definition of Soulmate. Well, good for them🤷‍♀️.

I watched Four to Dinner👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏾👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏾 few weeks ago and it just reminded me how often people talk about soulmates, and how I was to a large extent still undecisive of my stance on the whole subject matter🤥.

I took a closer look on the already existing ideas in my brain and I realised how vague there were😬. Being someone who likes to take a stance on issues👀, I didn’t like how that made me feel, so I decided to look and think deeper about it. After much gbas gbos🤪, I came to a conclusion😉.

There are over seven billion people in the world and it’s quite unsettling to believe that there’s only one person that is “perfect” for you, only one person right for you🙄. Mbanu! I no gree🙅‍♂️.

I am a Christian, and I know a few persons in the Bible who were married to more than one woman👩‍🦰- Solomon, Jacob, etcetera. Inasmuch as I do not support polygamy, I believe that it is indeed a reflection of the fact that you are compatible with a good number of people or even many, just like in the case of brother Solomon- my guy wasn’t dulling sha…!🙃😂. However, I believe compatibility varies- more with some and less with others👇.

This has brought me to the conclusion that there are many people one can be comfortably married to, as there are people who are better for us than others; those with whom we are at our best🏋- may be this is what people refer to as your soulmate🤔.

The fact that the definition of Soulmate doesn’t give room for the possibility of being happy and compatible with other people besides “that one person”, makes the Soulmate Concept a full blown fantasy to me😬.

If you’re a Christian like me, you may also believe in trusting God to direct you to the best person for you👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏾, not necessarily the only person for you.

Are you looking for A Soulmate Or Yours?🤔

I have shared my opinion with you, what’s yours? Share in the comment section below. Gracias❤.

I Feel It Too🙃

It’s Okay to Not be Okay🙂

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She finally had the guts to make the decision that would change both their lives forever🤯. It was the most difficult thing she had had to do in a long time💔. The tears😭 rolling down her cheeks would have filled a bucket if measuring the volume was her priority😞. But no❌, the grief was beyond her control and the hollow that decision left behind was nothing to write home about😫. And with every step👣 she took that Monday morning, Mae wished for the ground to cover up her shame or for the ocean🌊 to sweep it away because everyone knew what had happened; there was no hiding it😪.

A lot of things happen to us, many things we would rather keep to ourselves🙅, for fear of judgement😼, condemnation😾, or perhaps because we don’t even have the words to express them😶 or the right persons to tell👬. The unfortunate truth is that we can’t hide them all, and even the ones we successfully hide may become sun-kissed☀️ someday and our probably “ideal” status, dethroned🙊, and dirty linens out in the open😞.

Just like Mae, I’ve also had experiences that left my self-esteem shattered🤧 and made me question who I am😬. Those nights I would scream into my pillow and drench it with my river of tears😭, living like a shadow of myself💀. I never knew getting off my bed daily would become the most difficult task I had to perform🤦‍♂️, with the thought of the night coming quickly constantly stuck in my mind on those days I managed to get up💁‍♀️, “at least I’ll be safe from the shame for a couple of hours ” I always thought.

It was a slow, scrap that, a very slow process that eventually got me to the point where I became mentally stable😊. It took words of advice from people close by👭 and those I’ve never met🙃, it took prayers🙏 and contentment with being okay not being okay for a while🙂, it took a lot that I probably can no longer recall at the moment.

I just want to let you know that whatever unpleasant thing it is that you’re going through at the moment is temporary😌. You may have had experiences that left you broken💔 just like me, and you may still be having a hard time recovering from them and that’s okay💯.

It may take quite sometime but if you’d remember that it’s okay to not be okay for a sometime😌, believe you can and will feel better🥰, feed your soul with beautiful things that will uplift you and give you hope😃, be intentional about being positive even if it’s so hard🥺, and finally but definitely not the least, pick out the lessons that these experiences taught you✍, cause you may agree with me that there’s really no point suffering now if you’ll have to suffer again in the nearest future for doing things the same way🤷‍♀️ (for those things within your control). It’s always easier said than done, but I think a step or half a day would go a long way💯. Very soon, you’ll begin to look forward to every new day again because your life as it is will be a source of joy and fulfillment to you🥳.

Thank you for reading❤.

Please leave your comments and/or questions behind😘.

Not in control🙅

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Growing up as the first daughter, I’m used to having things go my way most times🌚. As weird and toxic😅 as that may sound, I know it’s true for a lot of people.

I always got to have my way especially with my younger siblings; I tell them what to do and not do, and they just have to comply🙄😁. This “philosophy” worked quite well for me until I had the opportunity to interact with a larger crowd.

I still didn’t realise it was so much of an issue until it started affecting my relationship with people sadly🥲. A lot of unmet expectations made me unable to see beyond my eyelids, the beautiful things my loved ones were doing for me😔.

Truly, too many demands and expectations won’t let them love you as much as they’d like and shockingly, as much as you’d like also. Love thrives in an atmosphere that’s condusive; where it can be accepted just the way it is🥰.

Unfortunately (or may be not), we are not in control of how people act, neither are we in control of how people decide to treat us🤷‍♀️. Letting love in means letting lose🤗, being vulnerable🙂, taking the risk of pulling out your happy🥳 or not so happy🤕 heart from the shields of your ribcage and putting it in the hands of another who claims to love you😬, without knowing for sure what he or she would do to or with it- yeah I know, terrifying right😶😖? You really don’t know if your heart would remain in it’s former state(likely not😶), or if it would fare better😊 or worse😑.

You know, before you invest in a business, you make calculations, and ensure that the chances of you making it big outweighs that of you incurring a huge loss, and even at that, you likely wouldn’t put in all your resources right?🤷‍♂️ It’s quite similar with love except that in this case, you’ll be putting in all of your heart, not some of it🙃.

Loving and being loved indeed is a risk😬 we take because really, we can’t exactly control how it’d go since it’s not a sole proprietorship but a partnership, and it goes 50-50😁. It’s not just our input alone that matters but another’s as well.

Loving a person and being loved by them takes way more than a decision😌, a confession🙈, or a nice gesture😻. It takes faith🤍; a courageous leap of faith. Cause whether we like it or not, there’s no other thing to hold on to except having a positive mindset, doing your best and believing that it wouldn’t end in tears😂.

Thank you for reading. Please remember to share your views with me in the comment section below.❤️

Goals, Success, and Things In-between🪄😊

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“I have really big plans this year!🥳 After not doing a lot last year, this is definitely the year I’ll beat all my expectations✅. No time to check time⌚, I’ll spend every minute of my day being productive💯.” said Emily as she walked briskly down the stairs with her best friend👭 Noella. “Well, this year I won’t even stress myself🛀, what will be will be🤷‍♀️, I’ll simply go with the flow. I honestly do not want to make plans I know that I’ll end up not keeping up with, so there’s really no point🙄.”

I remember when I was in 200 level, I was in my class trying to study📚, when a senior colleague came to sit by me. It was one of those many days that medicine was driving me insane🤒😵. There he was trying to give me exam tips, and there I was, too tensed to even recognize the help he was freely offering😕. “Anita you need to calm down” he said, “no time to check time” was my response😂. This statement must have discouraged him, cause he left me alone thereafter😂😂.

I know, it’s 2022 and you’re yet to finish that project, close that deal✅, become a millionaire💸, write that book📕 or startup that business📦, and most of your friends have gone ahead of you. You’re worried that you may never be able to get to where you really want to be, so just like Emily, you’ve probably made unrealistic plans and set unbelievable deadlines for yourself. At the moment, it may feel like you’re killing it but dear it’s just day 15 of 365!😕, there’s still 350 days left, will you be able to keep up?🤔

It’s okay to have plans, matter of fact, it is essential if you want to make progress in life💯, I recommend that you make plans rather than casually going with the flow like Noella intends to😶. What may not be healthy for you is making plans and setting deadlines that you truly know you cannot attain just because you’re under pressure to get to where others are🤷‍♀️.

There’s the drive to make big plans, because who doesn’t want to be successful at doing what they love😊? This drive will help us achieve our goals. But there’s a thin line between healthily achieving your goals and driving yourself into unhealthy states like depression🤕 because of the ravishing drive to do so much at a time😬.

If you are constantly at a place where you set goals with deadlines you’re hardly able to reach😪, you may slip into a state of low self esteem😑, sadness☹ and even depression😟, because thoughts like “I can’t do anything right”, “I’m not good at anything”, “Why am I the only one who doesn’t seem to know what I’m doing?”, won’t cease to feast in your mind😑.

You know what I think about goals? I think you should start with a prayer🙏, write down what you’d like to do✍, calculate what you think is required to achieve them🔢➕, ask questions❓ and actively involve people relevant in the field🧑‍🤝‍🧑👩‍🔧- mentorship and accountability👨‍👧 cannot be overemphasised, make research💻, write out steps on how you intend to achieve these goals📝, then calculate the time you think will be required to achieve all of it⏰- be generous with the time! I’m not saying you should assign 2 years to a project that you know you can finish up in 6 months so you have all the time to procastinate, no❌❗ I’m saying that you can really set goals with deadlines and end up achieving little or nothing😪 when enough time for work and rest haven’t been allocated to yourself and your teammates💁. Dear, in contrast to what I used think🙄, there is time to check time and full attention is required for goals to be achieved👌, trust me, I eventually had to calm down to check my time and allocate it appropriately💯, so please check time! And finally, remember to take one day at a time😊.

You can focus on a thing at a time, or more than one thing at a time, depending on your capacity💪, ensuring that enough planning and time are allocated to all🤲, and priority to the most important at every moment🤝. It’s really not just about speed🏃‍♀️ or having a lot on your plate🍛😂, but getting them done with excellence💥, while your passion for them thrives🥰 is even more important.

After reading this, please go back to your plans and review, but this time be a bit more realistic about it😌, get to work and don’t forget to allocate time for rest🧖‍♀️ and recreation🚵‍♀️🏊‍♂️.

Thank you for reading❤, I hope you’ve been able to pick a thing or two from this piece.

Please don’t hesitate to share your opinions with me, I look for to reading them💯. Have a beautiful year😘.

Later, more like never🤷

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I was going to start this write up with laughing emojis cause I’m actually laughing right now, but I just thought that starting with that would probably scare you off, so I’m just going to put it right here”😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂”.

I’m quite sure that we all are guity of this one😬! Proudly blush😊 if you truly have never planned to do something, procrastinated and ended up not doing it😏😂. If you’re blushing right now, then you should inform me in the comment section oh cause òmò, I have a lot to learn from you then😏, come and teach me how you do it bayi🤲.

Unfortunately🥲, I have a good number of personal examples of many “laters” that became “nevers”, a classic one I’ll be sharing with you is one that you’re well aware of🤪.

Anidom! I’m sure you guessed right🙃. For the first half of last year, I planned to put something down, and in every of those months, I put nothing down😂. I didn’t realise that it had been so long since I uploaded something until the day I wrote this piece, it was 10 months since my last published post!😬. I’m sorry guys, for starving you this long😓. Being very honest, it was one hell of a year last year but God helped me😇.

Procrastination is a vicious enemy of progress in life, it’s your sworn enemy; well, after the devil😈🙃. Procrastination will constantly keep you under pressure and deprive you of your well-deserved rest. It’ll make you always be in a hurry! I don’t like the sound of that😑 and I’m quite sure nobody does🤕.

You know, there’s this sense of fulfillment that comes with doing what you ought to do when you ought to do it😉😎, having peace of mind after, and even having room to do more! Exciting right?🥳 You live in your most productive element when you do what you plan to do on time, and you’re able to give it your best💯. People will look at you and wonder what the secret is behind the balance they see in your life😉.

I’m not even going to lie to you, it’s very easy to procastinate and it can be quite difficult not to, it takes determination and courage, but actually starts with a DECISION🥸. You have to sit down and make up your mind to stop procrastinating already, cause really, it’s high time you did😌.

I know you have ideas, big plans🤑 and you’ve imagined how far you can actually go with that plan, how beautiful🥰 your life would be and how happy🥳 you would be if you’re able to accomplish your plans🤩. One thing that would go a long way in helping you is if you decide to start today. What better time to start other than the first day of the year?🤠

It doesn’t even have to be a big project🤷‍♀️, it may just be as little as your school assignment, calling that friend or family member you haven’t heard from in a long while🤭, getting your laundry done(I also detest doing laundry😂😪), saying a prayer or reading your Bible😇, reading or completing that topic😉, reading that chapter of that book that’s probably already covered in dust😶 or simply getting your chores done👍.

Sincerely, I procastinate too and it’s not always easy😔, but it isn’t something we can’t overcome and yeah, it’s worth it in the end. Totally💯.

So I urge you today, as I do myself, to start now😘, start today❤.

What’s that one thing you know that you procastinate a lot? Drop it in the comment section let’s talk🤗.

Thank you for stopping by to read this piece today❤.

Happy New Year💘

“Little Victories🥳”

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So after the poll, writing this very piece became a bit of a challenge to me. I mean, I’m well aware of the message I want to pass across but how to pass the message was the issue, so I decided to start off by telling you how challenging it is for me to put this very piece together 😂😊😅.

There are a number of things in life we have gotten so used to that we no longer accord the necessary value to them. Those “little” battles and the teary nights that didn’t leave you dead? They all deserve to be celebrated💯🥳.

Personally, I used to focus on and look forward to the “big” things life has to offer me; all my dreams and aspirations, although I still do, I have come to realise that they aren’t the only ones that matter. I literally had to take a seat and think through my life for me to actually understand how much victory and success I was overlooking.

I’m sure some of you can relate to those moments you had to walk past the bunch of guys at your street corner even if you didn’t want to, but had to cause they had spotted you😂, how about those times that you got really pissed and had a lot of awful things in mind to say but you were able to keep your words in check? How about those nights you stayed up thinking and drenching your pillow, trying as much as possible not to attract any attention by crying right into your guts- silently? Those moments you fearfully stood up in class to attempt a question and ended up being wrong but didn’t let that stop you from trying another day?

You had to go through that horrible break up phase when getting up every morning became your greatest battle and unfortunately you had to fight it at an interval of 24hours. You were soaked in self-pity, suicidal thoughts and depression. You thought you weren’t good enough but here you are now and you think it wasn’t victory? You think all these shouldn’t be celebrated?

You may think to yourself “I’m not the only one who has been through this, not the first and certainly won’t be the last”, as true as this may be, it doesn’t mean you didn’t do well, it doesn’t make yours valueless or inconsequential. It’s an achievement and should be celebrated. Don’t let anyone make you feel silly for celebrating those “little” battles you’ve won.

Celebrate being able to get up everyday despite all the issues you know that await you, celebrate being able to be there for your loved ones despite how difficult your life is, Celebrate you!

I’m going to conclude with something I read somewhere; “Be proud of how you’ve been handling this past few months. The silent battles, humble moments, and sad times. Celebrate your strength!”

You are doing well😌💪.

Thank you for reading! Enjoyed reading this? Share with friends and family! ❤️